Deathbed Memories: James Potter's Last Thoughts
by TheBrownShipper
Summary: In his last moments, James Potter recollects his whole life. Takes place before, during, and after his time at Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

James Potter stowed his wand in his pocket, then began to head upstairs.

'Night, Lily. Don't stay up too late, okay?'

Lily Potter simply nodded in response- she was too engrossed with the baby to pay any attention to her husband.

James smirked. 'Harry gets all the attention, doesn't he?' He lazily flicked his wand and dimmed the lights. 'Well...I'm going to bed,'

Again, Lily nodded. Neither of them noticed the lock on the door turn slightly.

It was not until he was halfway up the stairs that James heard a creak from the door.

_It's the wind... _he thought. _Just the...wind._

But in his heart, James knew that he was wrong. It was no wind. He bounded down the stairs.

'Lily! Harry-'

The door opened fully. The Potters' fate was sealed.

Lord Voldemort stepped inside. He looked as if his thin white skin was stretched over his skeleton.

'Not looking too well, are you?'

It was a stupid thing to say, but James had the terrible habit of being sarcastic when he was afraid. And at this moment, he was more afraid than he had ever been in his entire life.

Voldemort bore holes into James' head. 'Shut up, stupid boy.' he snarled.

Then he began to advance toward Lily and Harry.

'NO!' yelled James, reaching for his wand.

Voldemort laughed a high, cold laugh. He waved his wand, and James' own flew through the air and clattered uselessly on to the floor.

However, that didn't stop him. He lunged toward Voldemort. 'Please, no. Don't! Take me, take me instead...not Harry...not Lily...'

But the Dark Lord wan't to be stopped by something so insignificant. He could show no mercy. He strode across the room. 'Step aside, you foolish girl,' He said to Lily.

James couldn't contain himself. Picking up the nearest object, he hurled the vase at Voldemort. Before it reached him, however. Voldemort reacted. The vase smashed against the wall, and he grabbed James Potter.

'Do not...attempt to hurt Lord Voldemort, you foolish imbecile,'

James' attempt at an insult was lost under his choking. 'Do...whatever- you want to me but...Lily...Harry...,'

Voldemort show no mercy. He raised his wand. 'Avada...KEDAVRA!'

The last thing James heard was Lily's wail of hopelessness. It was a terrible sound.

-x-

In the few seconds between his life and death, James Potter was overloaded with every memory he had ever had.

He hoped Lily and Harry would be okay.

-x-

_Author's Note_

_The following FanFiction will recollect the aforementioned memories, from before, during, and after James' time at Hogwarts._

_Enjoy :)_


	2. Chapter 2

"Come, James!" his father called. "We're going to be late!"

James had been waiting for this all day. He currently stood in front of the mirror, trying to arrange his crazy hair into the most windswept way as to make himself look like a quidditch star already. He grabbed the Comet 260 sitting on his desk and practically hopped all the stairs at once.

'Well, well, well... look at our star seeker!' His father grabbed James and swung him onto his shoulders.

'Dad, I'm seven. I don't need to be coddled like this.' But really, he was glowing with pride.

'That's right, I forgot. James is a big boy now! He's going to Hogwarts in three years,'

'Yeah, and I'll be the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team! I'll get drafted by the Cannons!'

His mother just looked wistfully at them. 'Look at you two, going off like that without me! The nerve!'

'Oh, you know we couldn't last two days without you,' he went over to her and hugged her from behind. 'Of course you can't,' she said, but James could see that she was secretly pleased.

James Potter and his father then marched up the street, carrying broomsticks and quidditch balls. From the window, James' mum roared with laughter as she saw the peculiar pair of messy haired family make their way to the quidditch pitch.


	3. Chapter 3

James Potter could hardly contain his excitement. He thought he was going to pee.

Wait what? No. He was suave. He was cool. He...was a first year. No one really liked first years.

Still. Hogwarts! What was there _not _to be excited about? He was finally going to the place he had been dreaming about for years. He would get to take magical classes, meet new people... see cute girls.

Speaking of which, there was one now. She had red hair, and a freckled face. Unfortunately for him, she appeared to be engrossed in a conversation with a hooked nose, greasy haired boy. James wrinkled his nose. _Well clearly, she has bad taste. _Still, he sidled up to her, pretending to be looking out for the train. He could hear bits of their conversation from there.

'Slytherin,'

'Best house,'

'Greatest wizards,'

'You'll definitely get in,'

James was disgusted. Clearly, this girl had no intellect. He couldn't stop himself from turning around and saying something.

'The only thing Slytherin is known for is idiocy,' he said.

'And producing the world's most power-hungry wizards and witches,' said another boy. James turned to look at him. He had high, arched cheekbones and longish, curly hair.

'I like the way you think, it reminds me of myself,' James said to the boy. He extended his hand. 'James Potter,'

"Sirius...Black,'

James quickly retracted his outstretched hand. He even wiped his hands on his pants like he had touched something revolting. '...Black?' he said. 'But I thought...you said...'

'Hey, I said Black. Never said I embraced it,'

All of a sudden, James broke into a wide grin. 'Black or not...' he said, 'I still respect a fellow troublemaker,'

Once again, he extended his hand. This time, Sirius Black took it.

'Now come on, or we'll be late for the train!'


	4. Chapter 4

A mob of first years made their way up to the Great Hall, their faces still tingling with excitement from their first view of Hogwarts. James Potter was among them, along with his newfound friend, Sirius Black. Sirius Black... James wasn't sure about how his father would react if he was friends with a Black, but Sirius...Sirius was, well, _different_. James wasn't really sure why. Dad was pretty cool... he'd like Sirius for who _he _was, not his family. He'd worry about that later. He had the Sorting to worry about now.

As the group of anxious first years scrambled into a line for the Sorting, James looked around. They all seemed as nervous as he felt, but clearly they were not as good at hiding it as he (and apparently, Sirius) were. Just as he was about to ask Sirius if he was worried about getting Slytherin, a serious looking witch wearing spectacles stepped onto the dais. _That must be Professor MacGonagall, _thought James. His father had talked about her on more than one occasion. Leaning toward Sirius, he spoke out of the side of his mouth so that Professor MacGonagall couldn't see. 'Remind me not to have any dungbombs in my pocket when _she's _around,' he whispered, gesturing to MacGonagall. 'Roger that captain,' Sirius said with a chuckle. James looked at him blankly. 'Sorry. Muggle joke,' he replied.

James shrugged. MacGonagall had begun sorting.

'Atkinson, Amberly!' she declared.

Amberly Atkinson stumbled up to the stool. As soon as the hat touched her head, it yelled 'HUFFLEPUFF!'

There was cheering from the Hufflepuff table, but smatterings of applause from everywhere else. Sirius snorted. 'Hufflepuff,' he said. 'I hope I don't go _there_,' James nodded in agreement.

James only paid attention during Sirius' turn. The hat was a murmuring softly. 'Hmmm...' it said. 'Coming from a long line of Slytherin, I see,'

Sirius muttered something under his breath. The Sorting Hat flinched. 'Well then, clearly not. There's a bit more in that handsome head of yours than shrewdness... well then, GRYFFINDOR IT IS!'

Sirius jumped of the stool to be greeted by huge cheers from the Gryffindor table. James whooped for him to, only to be silenced by MacGonagall's piercing stare.

There were a few more hatstalls, including the girl from the train station (Lily Evans) who finally went to Gryffindor rather than Ravenclaw, a ginger - haired boy (Remus Lupin), who also went to Gryffindor, and Pettigrew, Peter, who, after much begging, was placed in Gryffndor, not Hufflepuff, though James thought he would fit into Hufflepuff better.

'Potter, James!' MacGonagall announced. James began to sweat profusely. _What would Dad say if I got into Hufflepuff? Or even worse...Slytherin? _

James made his way up to the stool. _Okay James, keep your cool, don't throw up... it's okay..._

MacGonagall placed the sorting hat on his head. 'Well, well, well...what do we have here? Plenty of brains...bit of a mean streak... loyal, unafraid... this is interesting...you would fit in anywhere, but...'

James was shaking in the stool.

'I think the best place for you is...GRYFFINDOR!'

James nearly fainted with relief. Huge cheers rang out from the Gryffindor table. His legs felt jelly and he tried not to trip while walking to the Gryffindor table. James and Sirius chatted the whole rest of the sorting until

'Zeeches, Henry,' was sorted into Ravenclaw.

Then he ate.


	5. Chapter 5

James Potter made his way up the winding staircases of Hogwarts. He was late. He was sooooo late. For his first class _ever_. Ah... he was so stupid. He just _had_ to set up a prank before he left. He even skipped breakfast. Now he couldn't find his class.

'What are you doing?' asked a quiet voice.

James nearly jumped off the staircase. 'What the-' he stopped when he realized it was just another student. He was skinny, and had light brown hair and green eyes. 'Are you lost?' the boy asked.

'Back off, I don't need your help,' James said, without actually considering if he needed help or not.

'Okay then, why are you wandering around the school?'

'I can ask the same question to you, you know' James retorted.

The boy held up his schedule. 'I don't have a class right now. Do you?'

James sighed in defeat. '_Fine. _I can't find my class. Have you memorized a map of the school?'

The boy blushed a little.

'_Seriously?'_ asked James. 'Whatever. I need to get to transfiguration,'

'Follow me,' he said.

As they made their way up the revolving staircases, James sheepishly noticed that the boy was leading him in the opposite direction that they came in.

_So much for being clever, _he thought.

It seemed like James was being bathed in the waters of humiliation as they walked across the school. _Kill me now,_ thought James, as they reached a door that James had passed six times. At least, he _thought_ he had passed it six times.

'This is it,' the boy said.

James looked down at the boy. 'Hey, what's your name?' he asked.

'Remus. Remus Lupin,'

'Remus? What kind of name is-' James stopped. He stuck out his hand. 'Thank you, Remus Lupin,' He said.

'No problem, James Potter,' he said. 'I know your name from Sorting,' he added, hurriedly.

James looked at the door.

'Well, good luck,' Remus said. He gestured toward the classroom. 'You have MacGonagall,'

James groaned.

Then he opened the door.

Minerva MacGonagall was waiting for him.

'Were exactly do you think you're going, Mr. Potter?'

James froze. 'Um... my seat?' he responded.

Professor MacGonagall was clearly no fan of sarcasm. 'I assume you were late setting up dungbombs in the corridors?' she asked.

_Crap. Oh crap._

'We sent a student to go get you, Mr. Potter,' she continued. 'She's in the hospital wing,'

James looked around. The only first year not in the room was...

Lily Evans.

'Detention, Potter,'


	6. Chapter 6

That evening, James made up his mind to see Lily in the hospital wing. He brought some flowers along, too.

'Lilies?' asked Sirius. 'God, that's _beyond _cheesy,'

'That's James, ever the romantic,' said Remus.

'Shut up, you haven't even known me for a day,' retorted James.

'Yeah, and you haven't even known Lily Evans for a day,' replied Sirius. 'Now you're going to bring her flowers?'

James threw a sock at Sirius. 'I'm just going to apologize,' he said.

'Yeah, I'm sorry for burning you, here are some flowers,' Remus mimed throwing petals at Sirius. 'Will you marry me?'

'Shut UP!' said James, who was blushing furiously.

Remus and Sirius nearly fell off the bed laughing.

James straightened his robes, grabbed the flowers, and hurried out of the dormitory. He practically flew down the stairs to the hospital wing, were Madame Gillmore was training her apprentice, Poppy.

'Yes, what do you need?' she asked.

'Um...is Lily Evans here?'

Poppy cleared her throat. 'She's in that bed,' she gestured toward the far end. 'I'll tell her her brother's here,'

'Oh- I'm not- I'm not her brother,' James stuttered.

Poppy looked at him uncertainly. 'Oh...' she said.

James jumped up 'No,no! I'm not, that's not- I'm just a friend!'

Both Madame Gillmore and Poppy looked amused. 'Just a friend...well then,'

Sighing with relief, James ran over to were Lily was.

Poppy looked inconspicuously at the flowers.

'Just a friend,' she muttered.

James cautiously approached the hospital bed. 'Lily?' he asked.

Lily groaned slightly. At the sight of him, her eyes widened. She got up.

'Lily- I'm sorry, I just- OW!' - she had slapped him across the face.

Poppy chuckled from the other side of the room.

Meanwhile, Lily was in a rage. 'You. Stupid. Idiot,' she seethed.

'Actually, I think stupid and idiot imply the same thing,' James said.

He dove behind the table. Lily had tried to slap him again.

'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! That was meant for Sirius, not you!'

Lily was unforgiving. She grabbed the flowers out of his hands. 'Lilies?' she asked. 'Seriously?'

James was ready to give up. Clearly, this girl was _very _stubborn. 'Look,' he said. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you! It just sort of...happened,'

She had opened her mouth when someone else walked inside. It was the greasy haired boy from the train station. 'Lily!' he said 'I heard about-' he stopped at the sight of James. 'Who's this?' he asked.

'Severus, meet James,' she said. 'He's the idiot who put the dungbombs in the corridor,'

Severus looked at him with contempt. 'Why are you _here _then?' he questioned.

James threw his hands up in protest. 'Hey, I just came to apologize. It was a stupid thing to do, I know, and it won't happen again. But if you're not going to accept it, whatever,' he gathered up his things and began to leave the ward.

As he was leaving, he heard Severus and Lily talking.

'He's an arrogant pig,' said Severus.

'Oh, I don't know...' replied Lily. 'He's kind of adorable when he's arrogant,'

Severus wasn't very sure how to reply to that.

Even though James had meant to be angry with Lily, he nearly waltzed down the hallway back to the dormitory, surprising Professor MacGonagall.

'Potter!' she called. 'Did you forget about your detention?'

James tried to make a run for it.

'JAMES POTTER!' She yelled. 'GET BACK HERE BEFORE I BLOW YOUR SORRY BEHIND OFF!'

-x-


	7. Chapter 7

James knocked on the solid oak door. GRISELDA PAPPINGTON: FORMER CAPTAIN OF HOLYHEAD HARPIES.

Below that,

QUIDDITCH INSTRUCTOR

James was practically jumping up and down before he realized that he wasn't a little kid.

Or you know, whatever.

He began jumping again. Just until Madame Pappington opened the door. She cast a stern look at James Potter. She had heard a lot about him. 'What do you want!' she barked.

'Well...' James tried to be as smooth as he could. 'I was wondering if I could try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team,'

'Why are you asking me, then?' she asked.

'Well, because I'm just a first year, I can't try out,'

'Exactly,' said Pappington.

'Yeah, but... I'm really good!' James protested. 'I've been playing for four years!'

Madame Pappington sighed. 'You're not the only one, James. Tons of first years have already asked me. The answer is no,'

James looked as if he was about to cry. 'B-B- But I'm SO good! Just watch me play! Please!'

Griselda Pappington studied the boy closely. He had a nice build, perfect for a quidditch player. 'Fine,' she said, exasperated. 'Here's the deal. Tomorrow, I'll be teaching you first years. If you live up to your expectations, then I'll recommend you to the Gryffindor team captain,' she paused. 'However, if you fail to control your arrogance, and mess up on the field, trust me; I _will_ ruin your chances of _ever _getting the team. Understood?'

James nodded. He felt like hugging Madame Pappington. 'Don't worry, I'll be fine!' he said as he ran out of the room.

'Oh, I'm not the one who should be worrying,' said Pappington, marveling at the boy's cockiness.

-x-

It was a clear, bright day when the first years trudged outside for their quidditch lesson. Griselda Pappington stood in front of the bleachers, along with Professor MacGonagall. She helped to hand out the broomsticks to all the first years. 'Right,' she said 'Before Madame Pappington begins your lesson, I believe we have a demonstration for you?'

All the first years looked toward James. _They were learning,_ he thought to himself. 'I'm ready!' he called, grinning. Behind him, Sirius and Remus sniggered.

James grabbed his broom, a Cleensweep 4, and strode up to were the two women were standing. 'Right then...what should I do?' he asked.

Madame Pappington grabbed a trunk from next to her, and pulled out a small golden ball. 'The snitch,' she said, letting it fly off into the clouds. 'Catch it,'

James wasted no time in mounting his broom. In a flash, he was soaring behind the snitch. It whizzed passed his foot and James nearly flipped over trying to turn his broom around. Below, he could see some Slytherins snickering. Severus was among them.

_Ignore them,_ thought James. _Just focus on the snitch. _

As if on cue, it came flying down past his ear. James took an impressive dive (he could hear a girl gasp) and tore past it, grabbing the snitch just as it hit the ground. He pulled up his broom, circled around the field, landing right in front of Lily Evans. He tossed the snitch toward MacGonagall and ran his hands through his hair.

'Show off,' muttered Lily. James noticed that her cheeks were pink.

He got off his broom and marched toward Madame Pappington. 'So?' he asked. 'What do you think?'

Pappington just stared at him. James noticed with satisfaction that her mouth hung open slightly.

MacGonagall seemed to smile a little. 'We'll consider it,' she said. 'This is yours, I believe?' She handed him the snitch. He clutched it tightly around his fingers, then put it in his pocket. He grinned, then stalked off, whistling a jaunty little tune on the way back to the castle. James Potter didn't have time to learn how to mount a broom. He had Potions homework to finish.

-x-


	8. Chapter 8

'Where's Remus?' Sirius asked James.

'I don't know. He said his mother was sick and he had to go visit her...'

The two boys looked at each other knowingly. This had been going on for far too long. Two years, in fact. Every month Remus disappeared for a few days, then came back with some excuse. James had made several jokes about Remus' 'once a month' problem, but, while he and Sirius roared with laughter, they still knew that something was wrong.

'Come on, James,' Sirius said. 'We couldn't figure it out when we were eleven. We couldn't figure it out when we were twelve. Now?'

'I'm working on it, I'm working on it,' said James. He was surrounded by books. And while the librarian had been very surprised to see those two boys in the library, she dismissed as an excuse for James to see Lily Evans.

Ahh...Lily Evans. She was there now, and every few minutes James would get distracted by her and Sirius would have to cough loudly to bring his attention back to the book. But Lily had really blossomed in two years. Her hair was more of an auburn color now, and her freckles had faded. She was also beginning to become a little cold with Severus Snape, which made James beyond happy.

'I just can't stand her with that- that _git,_' James said all of a sudden. Sirius didn't even look up from his Muggle magazine. He was used to sudden outbursts about Snape. 'Wow,' he whistled softly, still looking at the magazine. James ignored him. He had work to do. He had to go ask Lily out.

'Sirius, I'm going to ask Lily to go to Hogsmede with me,'

Now Sirius really dropped his magazine. 'What?' he said. 'Finally!'

The librarian shot him a piercing glare. 'Shh...' she said.

But Sirius ignored her. 'I can't believe it took you TWO YEARS to build up the courage to ask her!' he said.

'Two years to ask who?' came a voice behind them. It was Remus Lupin.

James quickly shoved his books under Sirius' magazines. Remus looked at them. 'James?' he asked. 'Not you, too,'

James shrugged. 'What? I wasn't reading them! I was just...' he struggled to come up with an excuse.

'Looking at the pictures?' Sirius suggested. James thew a book at him. Sirius froze. It fell at Remus' feet.

He picked it up.

'...Monthly ailments?' he asked.

'Um, well, you see,' Sirius tried to joke. 'James has been getting the stomach pains every month so...'

'**Shut up, Sirius,' **said Remus. Sirius stopped talking. Remus placed the book on the table, then looked under the magazines.

_Full Moon Fouls_

_Once A Month Pains and Cures_

_Progression of Dragonpox_

_Stomach Cycles_

_Magical Herbs and Fungi_

_A Complete Calendar of Maladies_

Remus' voice shook as he spoke. 'Don't you trust me?' he asked James.

James shook his head slightly. 'Not on this, Remus,' he said.

Remus turned to Sirius. No words.

'Have you figured it out?' he asked.

Both boys nodded. 'You matched it...' said James.'But they weren't allowed at Hogwarts, so...'

'Dumbledore made an exception in his case,' came a voice behind them. James spun around. It was Lily.

'Y-You know?' he stammered.

'Oh, I've known for _ages_,' she explained. 'I asked Remus. He confirmed my suspicions. But he told me not to tell you,'

Sirius looked at Remus. 'Why?' he asked.

Remus looked down at his feet. 'Well...you guys were the first friends I ever had. I didn't want you guys to be... well...'

James got up. 'We would never do that! Why would we care if-' he lowered his voice. 'If you were a werewolf or not!'

'Everybody else did,' Remus said.

James put his arm around his friend. 'Remus John Lupin,' he began. '_We don't care_,' he said. 'You are an excellent human being. Oh shut up and stop staring at your feet like that. There's nothing to be embarrassed about- no, no _Remus,_ stop crying!'

Remus had begun to sob in James' robes. He had never been treated with such compassion before.

'Oh, come here,' said James. He pulled his friend into an embrace. 'Don't ever think that we're going to disown you for something as silly as this,' he said. Remus broke away from James and sat down. It was a bit too much to take. James turned toward Lily. 'See?' he said. 'I'm not _completely_ incapable of emotion,' he said. Lily laughed, then lightly smacked him on the head with her book. 'Yes,' she said. 'Yes you are,'


	9. Chapter 9

'WHERE IS MY BROOM!' yelled James, so loudly Remus dropped his Potions textbook on the table, resulting in an even louder crash.

'James- what the hell!' called Sirius, who came running into the common room after hearing the consecutive explosions from the dorm.

'Some bloody git took my broomstick!' cursed James through clenched teeth. He stood among overturned bags and chairs; his normally messy hair looked wild, as James was pulling frantically through it about every six seconds.

Remus stood up. 'James, I'm sure if you just checked-'

'I DID CHECK! IT'S NOT THERE! IT'S MISSING! SOMEONE TOOK IT!' James interrupted.

Remus shook his head. 'Let me continue. I'm sure that if you checked the-'

'Quidditch Pitch?' suggested Sirius, grinning. Remus, however was not amused.

'If you'd let me continue,' he said, looking very pointedly at Sirius. 'Just check your fan club. They probably bottled your sweat as souvenirs,'

'My...what?' James asked, bewildered. 'What fan club?'

Sirius gestured toward the back of the room, where a cluster of what looked like first and second years huddling over something. James turned bright pink.

'My...fan club,' he trailed off.

Sirius gave a low whistle. 'Merlin's beard, James,' he said.

James ran his hands furiously through his hair. 'My fan club,' he repeated, several times. His face grew steadily redder and redder, and Remus and Sirius falsely assumed out was out of embarrassment. James was getting angry.

'My fan club...STOLE MY BLOODY BROOMSTICK! SOME IDIOT FAN CLUB I HAVE!' James strode toward the cluster of underclassmen. 'Oi!' he called.

The huddle of students looked up. Some of them dropped their things. James- _James Potter _was talking to them!

'Oi!' James repeated. 'What're you lot looking at?' he questioned.

The leader of the group, a small mousy third year boy named Peter, began to stutter.

'W-we were j-just, um...' he trailed off nervously. 'Just...admiring your-'

James glared at him. 'My...?' he egged on.

Peter was almost in tears. ' Your broomstick, your broomstick, oh we were just looking at it, we're so, so sorry...we didn't mean to get you angry...'

James's mean expression was replaced by that of (mild) amusement. (They _did _take his broomstick, after all.) He decided to forgive Peter and the fan club. After all, that's what idols are for, aren't they? What he wondered was how they managed to take the broomstick from his dormitory.

Apparently Peter had opened the dormitory window from the outside, and charmed the broom to levitate to where he and the fan club had been sitting. James was dutifully impressed by Peter's charm casting skills, and invited him to sit with he, Remus, and Sirius that afternoon for lunch. Peter was giddy with excitement.

From that day on, the four friends were inseparable. They came to be known as the marauders, a notorious legend at Hogwarts.


	10. Chapter 10

Remus Lupin looked up to a familiar sight. James was running his hands through his hair, a frantic look on his face.

'What is it now?' he asked his friend. Remus glanced at the clock. It was two in the morning. He had been studying for six hours.

James sank into the nearest armchair. 'It's- it's Lily, Remus,' he said. Remus sighed. 'James, not this _again,' _he was tired of constantly hearing about James' problems with Lily.

'No, Remus- something's happened. To Lily,'

Remus sensed the panic in his voice. 'What happened?' he asked.

'I- there's been an attack. And Lily, because she's- she's muggleborn- she's been- been...' James choked up.

There was an urgency in his voice that caused Remus to leave his stuff behind and follow his friend.

'Where's Sirius?' he asked.

'I didn't tell him,' said James.

'Are you afraid he's got to kill someone?'

James considered this. 'Afraid he's going to kill someone _for_ me,' he replied.

Remus shuddered.

The pair made their way to the hospital wing, where Professor MacGonagall was so distraught, she didn't even tell the boys to leave. Madame Gillmore was beside herself with worry, but even she let James see Lily. When they neared the bed, Remus let out a short gasp. Lily's collarbone was exposed, (which on a normal day would have made James rather happy,) but in this occasion, James gasped. Someone had carved words out of her flesh. They were fresh wounds, still dripping blood, but it was evident that the crucio spell had been used in her. The message read **Potter's filthy mudblood.**

The boys jumped as MacGonagall entered the room. 'James?' she asked kindly. 'We- that is, Professor Dumbledore and I- suggest that you stay here tonight. For your own safety, of course,' she added quickly.

James could hardly speak. 'I- yeah...' he said uncertainly. 'I'll...stay... I- Remus...' he looked at his friend. MacGonagall was quick to respond.

'Poppy will escort Mr. Lupin back to his room,' she said. 'Mr. Potter, you are to sleep here,' she gestured to the bed next to Lily's. ' You can comfort her for a while, Mr. Potter, but there _are _limits,'

Then she left James alone.

He sat by Lily's bed for a while, without saying anything. She kept mumbling in her sleep, but James didn't even want to listen to what horrors she might be recalling. Instead, he just held her hand.

He sat like that for a long time, until she began to stir. Lily woke up, in a lot of pain, but also a lot of confusion.

'James?' she asked. 'What happened?'

James just shook his head. 'I'm sorry, Lily,' he said. 'I'm so, so sorry,' he looked down. Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes. Lily, seeing his reaction, began to cry too. Not sobbing, but silent tears. 'James...' she said, still crying. 'What is wrong with me? Why am- why am I a witch?'

James couldn't say anything. He knew also that Lily didn't want an answer. She wanted an explanation. And James didn't have one for her. He couldn't tell her what happened. It was all his fault. If he hadn't shown any interest in Lily, this wouldn't have happened. If...

'James?' asked Lily, one more time, her bright green eyes shining with tears.

James held her head to his chest; fully aware she wouldn't remember this the next day. 'I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry.'


	11. Chapter 11

When James Potter opened his eyes, the first thing he felt was pain. He had stabbed himself in the eye with his glasses. Yawning, he put his skewed glasses on properly and looked around the hospital wing, awash in the tears of the early dawn light. A cloud of confusion descended over James. Why was he in the hospital wing? He didn't appear to be injured…

That's when he saw Lily in the bed, eyes closed, collarbone still etched with the cursed words: _James' filthy mudblood. _In the almost heavenly light, they seemed harmless; a small scar, a joke. But it was no joke, and James knew that. This was all his fault. He had to leave. For Lily's sake.

But a confused, groggy, and upset James could not make it out of the winding maze of hospital beds and curtains without bumping into something. The glass of water on Lily's bedside table shook with great gusto and tumbled onto the tiles, shattering into a million tiny pieces.

James tensed. Lily stirred.

'J-James?' she called, hesitantly.

'I'm here, Lily,'

'Where are you going?'

'I can't- I can't stay here. It'll only make things worse,'

'Don't go, James. Please don't go!' Lily called desperately.

'I can't- I shouldn't, Lily. This is my fault. I've done enough.'

Lily sank into her sheets. Her eyes sparkled with tears. 'Don't leave me alone,' she whispered.

James turned his back to her. 'I'll call Madame Gillmore. You won't be alone.' He walked away as Lily called his name over and over again. Calling for him to come back. All James wanted to do was run back to her. Take her in his arms, tell her everything was going to be okay, that he's find whoever hurt her and make sure they paid dearly for what they did.

Instead, James had to go against every instinct in his body, every nerve yelling 'BE WITH LILY!'

And James Potter walked away from the girl that he now knew he loved.

_Author's Note_

_Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been suffering from severe writer's block, tons of stress, and personal problems for the past year. But...I'm BACK, BABY. Also, I realized I've been spelling McGonagall wrong the entire time... _

_Apologies!_

_-TheBrownShipper_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Madame Gillmore watched James Potter leave with serious eyes. In their three years of interaction, she had never seen him not laughing. Now, his hazel eyes, once bright and cheery, appeared dull and tired. For the first time in all of James' memory, tears welled up on the side of his eyes.

James let the tears fall, and as the liquid crystals traveled down his face he could feel all his worries settle at the bottom of his stomach, giving him an unpleasant, nauseating feeling.

_This is my fault._

_All my fault._

This mantra James kept chanting, as if repeating his mistake over and over again would undo it. As he walked down the endless antique hallways of Hogwarts, as the gossiping portraits bore holes into him with accusing eyes, as the students passed him in the hallway, unsure of why laughing, lovable, and funny James Potter shuffling with his head down and tears crashing to the floor from his eyes, James' self-loathing turned into anger. He wanted to find who did this.

Severus Snape turned in surprise as the door of the Slytherin common flew open and crashed against the dungeon wall. His most hated enemy, James Potter, stood in the doorway, the tangled jungle of blackness he referred to as hair adding more of an aura of psychopathy to his crazed eyes. Before Severus could even react, James had shoved him against the opposite wall, one hand on his neck and the other shoveling into his stomach.

_'Leave.'_

**Punch**

_'Her.'_

**Punch**

_'Alone.'_

Wheezing and panting, Severus dropped to the floor. His neck still had purple imprints from where James' grip had left Severus unable to render a single breath.

'I- didn't do anything!'

James stepped back, one eye cocked skeptically. 'Sure you didn't,' he said.

Severus backed up against the wall, shielding his face protectively. "I didn't- I didn't do anything to Lily,' he wheezed. Then his eyes opened wide. 'Wait...what happened to her?'

James, who was about to kick the sobbing mass of robes that was Severus Snape in the gut, paused. 'You mean...you really don't know?'

Severus nodded.

'But if you don't know... Then who...?' James trailed off, running his fingers through his hair. In a sudden burst of anger, he grabbed Severus Snape by his robes so that the boy's feet only barely touched the floor.

'I don't know who you think you are to Lily and whether or not you're lying to me right now, but understand this: _I don't care._ When it comes to Lily, I don't care about facts. All I care about is revenge. So control your little Slytherin friends because if one more thing happens to Lily again, if she gets as much as a _scratch_, I will come here again, and I will cause you more pain than your minuscule brain can possibly imagine, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?'

James Potter dropped Severus Snape on the ground and left the room, leaving him stewing in his hate.


End file.
